Assured assumptions

What does it matter? A mere name change. An assumption made by everyone around you, that your name will be henceforth the name of your husband. Strange!

As I sit down to ponder over these seemingly harmless statements, I realize the profound impact they've had on my life. It's a societal norm, they say. A tradition passed down through generations, unquestioned and unchallenged. But when this tradition collided with my reality, it felt anything but normal.

As an outsider, it feels like a small thing. A woman gets married and her name changes, happened to my mother, her mother, and exactly every woman I know. It's normal, and for some people it's "natural".

I used to think the same. Growing up, I witnessed the women in my family seamlessly adopt their husbands' names upon marriage. It was expected, almost automatic. But I never truly grasped the significance of it until it happened to me.

I realized the gravity of it when this normal felt abnormal, when their "natural" felt "unnatural". And trust me, it is no reflection of the bond I share with my husband. Or a reflection of our families combined expectations of me to follow any such traditions blindly. Their feelings on the subject are aligned with mine on the subject.

In moments of affection, my husband and I have exchanged surnames, where I added his family's name to mine, and he added mine. And, we did feel a connection, a bond by doing so.

But when people simply presume and alter the identity I've been associated with for almost  three decades—my name, my inheritance, all that I own and hold dear—suddenly, overnight, that identity is erased, replaced with a new name. This occurs without my consent, without my awareness.

What is the basis of it? Just an “assured assumption” of society - that a woman's name is to be changed to her husband's name.

That's it, so simple.

But it's not simple, is it? It's complex and deeply ingrained in our societal fabric.

I've come to realize that my name is more than just a label. It's a part of who I am, my history, my identity. And while I may or may not choose to take my husband's name in some contexts, it doesn't negate the significance of my own.

 


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